How happy are you?

So this week, I have been thinking a lot about what I want in life and how this will make me happy and I am not saying I am a professional in this but I think after years of thinking- I know what this can be.

The answer comes from what do you think is the real meaning of love and understanding what is really means.

It does sound pretty random but I have a true belief in this is the key to life long happiness. Whether it is with your parents, your siblings, your partner and even your colleagues. 

‘Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without wanting anything in return.’ – This is the unconditional love that can bring you true happiness in life and so many demand it (ironic) and so few people experience this.

Now you are probably thinking how is that connected to happiness to your life. It is because we crave this unconditional love that we fall into a trap that is not unconditional love but instead it is always conditional love. Whether it is from that bad friend that always uses your kindness, or that employer that abuses your strong work ethic. Some, or even the majority now, can say they are in so many relationships with people that has ties attached to their worth, that they in fact feel worthless.

The analytical part of my brain dissects every word in a sentence and this is what I have understood.

The first part I have analysed is that ‘real love is caring about the happiness of another person’ People often feel they need love in their life in terms of relationships but ignore every other aspect in their life. If you want true happiness, you need bonds and connections where that person cares about your happiness. Friends are crucial to this. You need friends in your life that care for your happiness because this makes them better listeners, better shoulders to cry on and much better comfort when times are hard.

Unconditional love should not just come from your partner but your friends too. I have realised that over the years I know who my true friends are because I feel that unconditional love from them. They want to see me happy as much as they want to see themselves happy. If you have friends in your life that disappear when you get that engagement ring, that perfect promotion or even a mortgage- you need to cut ties because they are impacting on your happiness. If you have friends who are only worried about their own happiness and forgets to ask you ‘how are you doing’ then they are not unconditionally loving you. Why have 100 friends who talk about their problems and leave you no time to talk about your feelings ? It is funny but I have read that Instagram likes come from those who don’t know you rather than that friend you have known for years.

This goes two ways. If you value your friendship or relationship- you must be considering another person’s happiness too. Otherwise how are you making someone else happy? So next time you assess the bad relationships in your life- don’t let someone assess their relationship with you.

It is not just friendship this line affects. For you to be truly happy in life, listen to me in knowing that this has to be found in your work place too. You need to feel that the people above you value your happiness. You can earn the most money in the world but if your managers and directors do not think about your happiness then you are hindering your happiness in life. Notice how  I say ‘You’- It is not their responsibility for you to be happy, yes they should care but if they don’t – it’s on you to leave. Being stuck in rut comes from jobs more than anything in my opinion.

Humans crave real unconditional love so why would that change for choosing that elsewhere?

With relationships it goes without saying that this is important for your self happiness. When I look over the 30-something years my parents have been married, I can honestly say that they have mastered the art of knowing if the other one is happy. My mum wakes up and her first thought is what can my dad eat for breakfast? You think that is sad, my dad’s last thought at night is he needs to take water up to my mum so she doesn’t get thirsty at night. So my mum wakes up thinking about my dad and my dad goes to sleep thinking about my mum.. Now if you can’t say that your partner doesn’t think about your happiness- I ask you this- do you really think you will be happy in life with this? To be happy – find someone who genuinely cares about your happiness. Yet again, I say this to you.. Do you honestly think of your partners’ happiness too? Or is it a monologue of what you want out of the relationship and forget about the person’s happiness. No matter if you are married- this relationship is doomed if your only concern is yourself. People crave unconditional love. Not this heavy burden of responsibilities and limitations from others.

The next crucial part to happiness is having people around you that do not require anything to return when they are caring for your happiness. This is the hardest thing to achieve. My parents love is not based on if you give this, I will give that. It isn’t a power struggle. Have you ever looked at your mum/dad/step parents/brother/sister and think ‘wow you are a nightmare but I still love you no matter what.’ This is because no matter what- you are loving that person without any gains and rewards. It is unconditional. 

True happiness comes from receiving and giving as much unconditional love as possible. When people attach strings to love and care, this is honestly the biggest strain on a person’s happiness and self worth ever. Sometimes I felt I had to act a certain way for my parents to love me or to give my brother X amount of money for him to spend time with me- I was so wrong.

Knowing that someone unconditionally loves you is the true happiness for you and no amount of money can change that.

So anyway my advice is:-

  • Find a job you feel valued
  • Find a lifelong partner who doesn’t want to change you but thinks of your happiness as much as their own
  • Have only friends that celebrate your accomplishments as well as weather the storm with you with every step of the way
  • Trust that your family love you no matter for who you are as a person

I’m not promising you the world but I can definitely bet on that you will be happier when you aim for this in life rather than anything else.

 

 

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How happy are you?

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